Growth - A Year Full Of It!

As the year comes to an end, I find myself doing what almost everyone does – looking back over the last year and evaluating it. The ups and downs, the highs and lows, the worst of the worst and the best of the best. I am beginning to realize that tallying good versus bad is not helpful. Sure it is one way to figure out if a year is good or bad, but it never quite feels like it captures all that a year holds. I have started to reflect on things differently. I look at where I was when the year started. What was I doing, where was I, who was I with, what did I want to do? Then I think of those same questions for the middle of the year. And again for the end. I can tell you that the last 10-15 years of my life have consisted of so much change. So many deaths, so many accomplishments, so many heartbreaks, so many triumphs, so many lessons, so many fails, so many new goals. The last few years have been interesting with pandemics and politics and society as a whole. But this year has brought me closer to a life I desire more than any other.

I spent years of my life in school learning about a field I could not wait to work in. I finally started that work while I was in graduate school and was an intern at an outpatient clinic. It was awesome! And stressful and terrible and wonderful and all of the things! After graduating, I worked in that same clinic for a few years. I found myself slowly burning out (although I did not realize that for awhile) and becoming disillusioned with the field I had chosen. I moved to another clinic at a different company hoping to test the theory that ‘not all clinics are the same’ and maybe I had been at one that was not the right fit. Well, it turns out most clinics are exactly the same. I was so broken and burnt out and I had no idea how to get out of the place I found myself in. I had spent soooooo many years and sooooo much money on school for this! I had gathered soooooo many hours and passed a national exam and paid tons of money to be licensed! I remember thinking in graduate school that when I got my license, I will have made it! That being licensed was the ultimate way to secure your future and make solid money. Well, again that was not the case! So I started googling….jobs for people with psychology degress….jobs for marriage and family therapist masters degrees….entry level jobs….best paying entry level jobs…..supermarket jobs near me. I must have googled every combination of things possible. That is how I stumbled across coaching. I will be honest…I was in such a low place that anything that could promise to get me out of where I was, I was willing to do. So I moved from Massachusetts back to my home state of New Jersey to live with family while I attended a program to learn to be a coach. The best part of the program was the connections I made.

Spoiler alert….coaching did not change my life. But it did offer me a chance to ask myself important questions about myself and my future. It gave me the chance to look at my future with creativity. I no longer thought about what 9-5 job could I do that would offer me benefits. I started thinking of things outside the box I had created for myself (with the help of some outside influences). I came up with an idea that combined a few of my interests and I have never been so excited about planning something. But planning something without income is a tough space to be in. The coaching program and the people I met offered me time away from my experiences in the clinics. I finally began to feel like myself again. I was taking care of myself in more ways than before. It also reignited my love for therapy. So one day I figured it could not hurt to apply for a New Jersey license (I already had licenses in a couple states).

I received my license 2-3 months later and I could not believe it. I was licensed and able to practice in my home state. So now what? What did I want? Another clinic? Private practice? Something else? I knew clinic culture was not for me. I could never return to that. So I began looking into private practice. I found so many things that offered me hope that this could be the solution to the struggles I had previously felt. I started the journey to building my own practice! And that is where Blossoming Rose Therapy LLC came from. There was so much growth that came about this year. Believe it or not, I started this year in a clinic and I am ending it in private practice. If that is not a crazy arc in a story, I don’t know what is. I am still in the building stage of my practice. It is all virtual and I am working to gain clients, but I am still a million times happier grinding it out to build this than I ever was in clinic settings.

I say all this to say, don’t stop. Just keep pushing through. Take deep breaths and evaluate and reevaluate as needed. Don’t let one (or a hundred) terrible situations convince you that things can never change. I had to deal with the death of many dreams to be able to dream something that really set my heart on fire. Please keep pushing even when you think you can’t anymore. Because you never know what is on the other side of that mountain you have been struggling up. I found a dream that I know will bring me joy and purpose while providing help to so many others.

If you are struggling to climb the mountain of life or struggling to see a way forward, please reach out to someone. It does not have to be a therapist, but you are not an island. Humans need each other and we need support on the worst of times. I am the worst at asking for help when I need it, but I have learned what true support looks like and how much it changes your situation. If you think having a therapist with you throughout your journey is needed, I encourage you to contact as many as you need to, to find that perfect person to help you move forward.

I hope this year brought joy, but more importantly, I hope it brought growth for you like it did for me.